Good sex flows from the right side of the brain...

“We may admire power and intellect, but love begins in the right brain, from the time we were babies and throughout our lifespan. Love is body-to-body, heart-to-heart, playful, and full of feeling and laughter. Likewise, loving sex is also body-to-body, heart-to-heart, playful, and full of feeling and laughter. That means sexual communication cannot speak in concepts quoting facts and figures, and delineating needs. Even worse, complaining, threatening, or shaming a partner’s response as inadequate, or demanding a change only makes a partner feel bad and can cast a taint on the sexual connection for a long time. I like to say that the biggest problem in sex is making sex a problem. Sexual language speaks softly body-to-body in right-brain dulcet tones and sweet talk, through lingering eye gazes, juicy kisses, breathing together, drawing in each other’s scent (and pheromones), empathic touch, and appreciative sighs at the warmth and smoothness of skin-to-skin contact. No matter how disappointing sex can be between two people, the way to make it better is with warmth, empathy, and compassion. Kindness and caring are great motivators and can enhance the sexual connection and enrich the quality of love in the relationship as a whole.” - Dr. Stella Resnick

Pulse Check

I encourage all the couples I work with to regularly take a pulse of their sex life. Here are a few questions to get you started:

1) What's going well?

2) What are you enjoying about yourself as a sexual person?

3) What are you enjoying about your partner as a sexual person?

4) What's missing and what role am I playing in this?

5) What's a step I can take to add something new?

Questions? Suggestions? Let me know!